Cookie Monsters
by Kylie Robbins
Summary: Chad's inner monologue during the Cookie Monsters episode. Slight Channy. R&R&Enjoy!


**Okay, so all props go to TrinityFlower Of Memories for telling me to write. We were having a conversation about the whole 'Sonny, you look like you could use a hug' thing, and I said that it would make for a GREAT one-shot if you did it with his inner monologue, and I drafted out a few lines for that, and she told me to post it. Sooooo I took initiative and started writing a one-shot for the whole ep. And then my computer decided to restart itself to install updates while I was sleeping, and I sort of...kind of...didn't save it...SO! I'm basically starting over from scratch right now. Luckily, I mostly remember where I was going with everything. Problem is...I need to go through the episode again to get the dialogue...-_- Oh well! Wish me luck!**

**Read, review, and most importantly, Enjoy!!**

--

Chad stood by the fro-yo machine as he saw Sonny Monroe at the entrance of the commisary, talking to...sad kid, who was pulling a wagon full of cookies.

He thought for a few moments how he could strike Sonny's nerves today, when an idea struck him. He started to strut over to the brunette comedienne when something stopped in his tracks.

Something..._evil_.

Dakota Condor shuffled into the commisary, her daddy's little slaves in tow.

_Alright Chad...all you need to do is try to walk past them, unnoticed. If she wants to talk to you, just say you have to get to rehearsal._

"Oh hey Chad." _Here we go. Just tell the little demon you have to get to set._ "How 'bout joining me for lunch?"

"Oh, hi Dakota. Yeah, I'd love to, but I'm due on set for rehearsal." _Good boy. Now just keep --_

"Not if my daddy cancels your show."

"Oh! What're we having?" _Wow...way to be a man._

He sat in the chair next to the little demon, scared out of his wits.

"Hi Chad! How would the _greatest actor_ of his _generation_ like to buy a box of cookies," the littlest Random coooed.

Chad put on his signature cocky grin. "You had me at greatest actor of his generation."

"Aww! You're a blossom scout!" _Someone really needs to put a muzzle on this pint sized devil spawn..._

"Not only is she a Blossom Scout," Sonny chimed in. "But she's going to break the record for most cookies ever sold!"

"Aww! Little girl setting herself up for failure. How precious!" Chad cringed at the sound of her voice.

"Rrrruff!! Ruff ruff! Rrruff!" The littlest Random started barking at Dakota, causing Chad to cower.

_Jeez....what is wrong with kids these days?_

"Zora!" Sonny scolded. "Zora, zora, zora! Blossom Scouts do not bark at little girls!"

"It's not in the handbook!" Then sad kid continued to antagonize the scary little heiress.

--

Once that little...escapade was over, Chad dashed out of the commisary as fast as he possibly could.

As he was meandering through the halls toward his dressing room, he heard someone shuffling around the next corner.

He stopped in his tracks and backed against the wall. He scaled the wall slowly, and quietly. Once he reached the edge, he poked his head around to see who it was...

"Hi Chad!"

"AAAH!!!"

Dakota Condor had jumped around the corner just as he had looked around the corner, scaring Chad out of hiis wits.

"Hey...Dakota...How's it...going?"

"Wonderful Chad," she smiled, deviously. "I've come up with a plan." She smiled proudly.

"That's...great." Chad feigned interest. Behind that facade, he was as scared as a little puppy.

_Wow Chad...you're just full of bravery today, arent ya? She's just a little girl!_

"And it involves you," she deadpanned, her expression now entirely serious.

"O-oh?" His voice cracked. His fear was obvious.

"I'm going to take down Zora!"

Chad's horror was replaced, momentarily, by confusion. "Zora? Who's Zora?"

She shot him a look that said 'Are you serious?" And when he still stood there with an oblivious look on his face, she continued. "Zora. From _So Random!_ The one that was with Sonny, trying to sell you cookies earlier?"

"Oh!" _Not everyone can be pretty _and _smart..._"How do I fit into this plan?

"You are going to help me sell cookies. With you, there'll be no stopping me from crushing the dreams of Zora! ...And Sonny," she said, the devious smile back on her face. He expression suggesting something as she uttered her last words...

"I'd...umm...love to Dakota, but I'm...busy! Yeah, lots of shooting to do for _The Falls_! Got to keep the ratings up to keep your Daddy happy!"

"No. You're coming with me," she said in a stern voice - more intimidating than a nine year old has the right to be.

"O-Okay."

--

"I don't see why I have to wear pink for your little plan..."

"Because, Chad, I said so! Now hurry up!"

Chad quickened his pace, and was now walking beside Dakota.

"There they are, Chad!" She shouted, pointing a little ways in front of them to a table filled with cookies. Standing by it, were Sonny and Zora. "Now you hide behind this wall. Don't come out till I tell you to."

'I have a bad feeling about this...' Chad thought to himself.

_Well duh! Sonny _definitely_ won't take kindly to you helping the competition when she's just trying to be nice to her cast mate._

'Psshh....who said I cared what Sonny thought?'

_Really, Chad? Really? In case you haven't noticed, it's kind of obvious._

'What's obvious?'

"Get the lead out people! Time is money!" Dakota suddenly shouted as they arrived beside Sonny and Zora. "This is a great spot."

"Hey," Sonny spoke up. "When did _you_ become a Blossom Scout?"

"This morning, when I learned it was important to Zora. I'm going to break the _all time record_ for most cookies sold," Dakota gloated, hands on her hips.

"Oh, I don't think so. I will crush you like a chocolate chipper monkey."

_...That Zora scares me almost as much as the little Devil Spawn..._

"I will eat you like an Oatmeal Crusty."

_These cookies have some weird names..._

'Kinda like the people selling them,' Chad laughed to himself.

_Really....don't try to be funny...Just...stand there and look pretty..._

"Rrrruff! Ruff!" _Again with the barking?_

"Alright, down girl! Down girl! Alright? Let me settle this."

'Look at Sonny...She's so cute when she's being assertive.'

"Dakota," she said in a syrupy sweet voice. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Sure! I'll talk to you!"

'Oh no...what's Dakota up to now...'

"Great! I was thinking--"

"Buy a box of cookies."

"I'm not gonna buy cookies from you!"

"Then this conversation is over."

Then Sonny cracked. Chad watched as she shelled out cash for twelve boxes of cookies.

'Sonny...why do you have to be such a push over?'

"She made you buy _twelve_ boxes of cookies?" Zora then turn her attention to Dakota. "You may have tricked my _dumb_ friend.."

"Hey!"

"But _I'm_ not going down that easy."

"Sure you are."

'Here we go...'

"_I_ have a secret weapon."

"Secret weapon?"

'And that ladies and gentleman, is my cue...'

Chad took a deep breath as he hopped on the pink scooter, cookie box in hand, and cast on his arm.

"Blossom scout cookies! Yo peeps! Come get your Blueberry...bo-peeps!"

'I can't believe I'm doing this...This is so degrading.'

"Chad? _You're_ the secret weapon?"

"Ssshhhh! It's a secret," Chad whispered...loudly. "Wanna know another secret? This is fake," he said, pointing to the cast. "Really pulls on the old heart strings."

'And maybe the fact that I'm being controlled by an evil eight year old will pull on yours...'

And then came the rush of customers.

--

They continued selling for a little while before the antics began.

Sonny announced that they'd give free samples. Dakota said she was just an 'adorable little girl selling cookies, is all.'

Chad felt a twinge in his heart as everyone left Sonny's line. His own selfish ways are letting her down. And there was no way out of it now.

"Well...uh...Anyone who buys cookies with us will get a free balloon from us with each purchase!"

'That's ma girl.'

But then Dakota nudged him in the ribs, whispering '_the Falls_' and running her hand across her neck, pantomiming that it'd get cut if he didn't do something.

With a sigh, he walked over, popped the balloonn Sonny was holding and, "Who ever buys a box of cookies from us - I'll give you my autograph."

"Well, anyone who buys from us will get _my_ autograph," Sonny said, confidently with a hair flip.

All that followed was silent staring. "Really?" She squeaked. "Well...you buy cookies form us, we'll wash your car!"

"You buy cookies from us, I'll give you coupons for _two_ free car washes from Sonny and Zora!"

"Hey! You can't do that!"

Chad sighed inwardly, but continued on. Knowing that if he didn't, his show would be on the chopping block. "Plus, anyone who buys cookies from us - I will hug each and every one of you....Especially you," he said with a wink, pointing to a girl about halfway down the line.

"Oh that is ridiculous! We were here first! Hi, yeah, buy from us!" Sonny started to plead with one of Dakota and Chad's customers. "You were in our line first, you can't just --"

"Ms Munroe! Let go of her this instant! This is not how a Blossom Scout sells cookies!"

'Yeah...you could probably sell a few more if you had Sonny in that Blossom Scout uniform...'

"Mrs Montecore?" Sonny's voice was full of horror, like she was remembering a tragic event from her past...

"Mrs. Montecore, you haven't aged a day."

"_You_ know Mrs Montecore?"

"Mrs Montecore was my scout leader back in Wisconsin." Sonny turned her attention to the wretched woman in pink. "Mrs Montecore, what are you doing in Hollywood?"

"You're not the only one with a dream Ms Munroe. And now, I'm scout leader to the stars!"

'...She's creepy...'

"And Zora, what you were doing was unacceptable."

"You should be ashamed of yourself," Dakota cut in.

'Yeah...this coming from you...'

"This is why I make it a habit to check up on my scouts."

"Mrs Montecore," Sonny defended. "Zora didn't do anything. It was me, I got caught up in the--"

_How sweet of her to stand up for her cast mate. Don't you think there's someone _you_ should be standing up for right about now, Chad?_

'I don't know what you mean...'

_Riiight._

"Hold your pedals Ms Munroe. You're not even an official Blossom Scout."

"Well I almost was," Sonny said, sadness leaking through into her voice.

"Oh I remember....Zora, Sonny is your partner, and thus your responsibility. According to Blossom Scout code 164-B -- "

"Please," Dakota butted in. "Allow me."

She steppedover to the table to grab her hand book. "If a Blossom Scout's partner forcibly pulls a customer out of a cookie line, in an attempt to sell said person cookies, the Scout Leader must expell said Blossom Scout from the Blossom Scouts, immediately."

"What? Okay - let me see that. There is no - wow. It does say that."

"But...you can't kick me out of the Blossoms!" Zora cried. "I don't want to end up like Sonny! Trying to live the dreams of people half her age!"

'Wow...harsh...'

"Hey!"

"Zora! You are no longer a Blossom Scout!!!" The scary woman shouted, waving her fist before she stormed off.

"Zora, I'm..." Sonny tried to console her friend, but she took off before she could.

'She looks so...depressed, heart broken. This woman looks like she crushed her dreams. I mean, just...look at her.'

'I should...I should go over there. She needs someone to hold her, tell her it's alright.'

'But no...it can't be me.'

'It can never be me.'

'But maybe...I could...as a friend, just show her I care.'

'Yeah. I'm gonna do it.'

"Hey, Sonny, you okay? You look like you could use a hug."

She nodded.

'I...I can't...'

"Buy a box of cookies and I'll give you one. :)"

'...I'm such a coward.'

--

Soon after that fiasco, Dakota dragged Chad to the commisary, in hopes of finding Zora and mocking her even further.

"So, you got your sash back. Big whoop. You'll never catch up to us."

"Oh yeah? Well let's see you try to sell cookies without a face!" Zora then proceeded to hiss at Dakota.

"Woah, woah woah! Zora, Zora!" Sonny and Chad both held back their respective Blossoms. "Chad, the only reason you're helping her out is because her dad owns the studio!"

_No shit Sherlock..._

"Yeah,, well you're just jealous 'cause I'm a better Blossom than you'll _ever_ be!"

_Oh yeah, Chad...great way to treat the girl you're totally in to..._

"I wouldn't brag about that, alright? We'll be the ones going down in Blossom Scout history when _we_ break that cookie selling record."

"Oh you think so?"

"Oh, I _know_ so."

--

Chad paced his dressing room, thinking of how he might be able to cheer up Sonny...

He looked around his dressing room, trying to think of a way to help her.

And then he saw the box of cookies he'd bought from Zora that morning.

'Hmm...that gives me an idea...'

--

Chad and Dakota met Mrs Montecore in the commisary to go over their cookie numbers.

"Well, Dakota, yuo have _obliterated_ the cookie selling record!"

"What can I say? I have a gift."

"I am proud to say that Dakota Condor is the Number One cookie seller --""

"Not so fast, not so fast!" Sonny shouted from the hall, running into the commisary.

"We sold _all _of our cookies."

"Well this is the craziest thing! It's a tie!"

'I did _not_ see that coming...'

"We tied!" The two little Blossoms said in unison.

"Can't we have some sort of sell off or something?"

"Oh, that's impossible. There aren't any cookies left."

_Well, now _that's_ not entirely true, now is it Chad. You're chance to help Sonny is coming!_

Chad sighed inwardly as he grabbed his box. "I got a box."

'This better work...' he hoped to himself.

"Yes!" Dakota exclaimed. "We can sell it, and we'll win!"

"Chad," Sonny cooed. "Hand _us_ the cookies. We're you friends. Dakota was only using you."

_Hmm..._

"Chad, don't listen to her."

"Just..give me the flickerdoodles."

"Give _me_ the flicker doodles."

"My Daddy owns the studio. So give _me_ the flicker doodles!"

Chad cowered away form them, clutching the box of cookies. "Just stop messing with my mind, man!"

_Maybe we should have thought this through more...._

'Really? Ya THINK?!'

_New plan! It's cookie time!!_

Chad tumbled over a table that was right behind him, and when he regained his balance, backed up against a wall.

"I can't...I can't think--Just step back!"

"Just give me the box, and this will all be over. C'mon Chad."

There was a chorus of 'Chads' as they all reached out for the box, trying to coerce him into giving it to them.

"Get away! Just back up! Alright? Get away! It is over! Nobody gets these cookies!"

Chad tore open the green box of flickerdoodles, and proceeded to pour them into his mouth. Earning a 'Noooo!' from each of them.

When he'd emptied the box, he threw it down. "Ha! Now nobody's getting --"

'Oh no...I can't breathe...this is bad...You don't get to come up with the plans anymore!'

"He's choking!" Zora shouted. "Somebody do something!"

Chad continued to flail around, waiting for someone to help. He glanced over to Sonny, to see her staring off into space.

"Oh yes I will!" He could faintly hear her say as he slowly started fading away from consciousness due to the lack of air.

She skipped over to him, grabbed him by the waist and thrust upward, sending the cookie flying out of his esophogus.

"Eugh...stupid cookie," Chad said as he gently rubbed his throat.

"Sonny! You _do_ know how to save a choking victim!" The red-headed woman praised. "Sonny Munroe, you are _officially_ a Blossom Scout."

Chad collapsed into the closest chair to regain his energy. He couldn't help but smile as Sonny was presented with her Blossom Scout sash.

"Thankyou," she cried. "Thankyou so much!"

"Yeah, so what, you saved a life. But this box is still mine to sell!" Dakota shouted as she waved around the box from which the "stupid cookie" Chad had nearly choked on came.

"That box," the Scout leader grabbed the box from Dakota's hands. "Can only be sold by a Blossom Scout. And based on what I've just seen, you will NEVER be a Blossom Scout. Zora, you are in sole possession of the record, and I will see you two at the jamboree!"

Chad watched proudly as the two shared a...squeal of victory. And he couldn't help but feel that he had a hand in this.

"Zora, you're the winner!"

"She may be the winner, but she's still..a loser."

"Oh, _I'm_ the loser?" Zora retorted.

"You heard me."

"Are we doing this?"

"Oh, we're doing this."

The two lunged for each other, and Chad and Sonny both, once again, had to punce on them to hold them back and avoid a tussle.

"Chad, I can't believe oyu didn't even thank me for saving your life!" Sonny complained as she held Zora back.

"I'll have you know that I was choking on purpose so you could get your stupid little merit badge. It's called acting."

"Yeah, you're not that good of an actor."

"Acting."

"Choking."

Truly insulted, Chad dropped the devil child, and Sonny did the same with Zora.

"Acting."

"Choking."

"Oh, really? Someone better hold me back!" Dakota and Zora then both grabbed the teens.

"Don't make me take off my shoe!"

--

**And that, my dears, is how you do that.**

**Yeah....it was a bit better before, but I had to re-do it.**

**And I wanted it up around the time the episode airs.**

**So meh freakin heh.**

**Also, Chad's thoughts had the single quotes, dialog had the double and the italicized text? I'm not entirely sure what that was....I'll let y'all decide. Maybe Chad's a schizophrenic? Maybe it was me? Maybe he has a telepathis connection to that little green Martian dude that Fred Flinstone talks to. I dunno.**

**But yeah...this really helped me chillax. If you're one of my followers on Twitter, then you probably know that I was a little...hyper earlier. This helped me come down from a MAJOR Channy rush. Helped me focus.**

**So yeah....it's not perfect, but I haven't posted anything in a while anyway. So please review. While I go look for my remote so I can put my tv on Disney Channel....**


End file.
